days and books

my day to day these days consists of lots of this... a clingy (not complaining) little man and a loving yet sassy little lady... today we got a bunch of books in the mail i had ordered on Amazon so we spent our late morning reading a good eight books together... i think Isaiah loved it just as much as Annabelle .. i had them both on my lap, barely able to turn pages but it was so enjoyable... Annabelle's favorite for the day seemed to be the 12 days of Christmas . she would dance around while i sang the book to her and she would take mini dancing breaks to look at the beautiful pictures...

here are some of the books we got today that i highly recommend!

The Story of Christmas : this one is the Biblical Scriptural story of Jesus' birth with beautiful pictures to illustrate .. a great way to share the story with kids without just reading from the bible... as much as i appreciate the scriptures as an adult, i didn't as a kid, so this might be a good kid purchase...

Song of the Stars: A Christmas Story : this one is a beautiful story of the birth of Christ from a nature perspective... it reminds me of the statement that all things bare record of "him"... it goes through the animals, nature, the heavens, all exclaiming the arrival of the savior about to be born, to them rejoicing in his arrival and then showing him in the manger... very cute, and Annabelle really loves the animals and "twinkle star" (the sign of his birth) in this book...

Room for a Little One: A Christmas Tale : this is a cute book that goes through the animals in the stable as they enter and describ

ing them in ways of being in need, kind or humble (teaching children compassion)... and then towards the end introduces the last animal entering, the tired donkey... from carrying Mary with Joseph walking along side, and then it shares the birth of the savior... Annabelle really loves this one as well, i do too...

The Twelve Days of Christmas : and this is the classic "partridge in a pair tree" book as i called it as a kid... beautiful illustrations... Annabelle loved that i sang it and asked me to sing it again all day and was outraged when i tried to read her other books that were not in the form of a song, she kept saying, "no! sing it!"

highly recommend each of these..

sleepy

(picture post nap, so all the Animals are not in their "correct" places)

this is how she sleeps every nap and bedtime... we have added a blanket into the mix but the girl sure is particular... each and every one of those stuffed animals has to be in those exact places... her big bear on the left, her cat (that she calls gato) on the right, her Pocahontas doll on her belly, her "otro bear" on top of that, and her pink bear between the otro bear and the cat, with the zebra at her feet... she always knows when one is missing and the times I've tried to let it slide she freaks out... so not worth it, which leaves Angel on a goose chase trying to find the missing one and then throws it upstairs to me...

this is our day to day, two times a day... might seem tedious but i absolutely love my time with my little ones... 

our routine is papa (since he works at home) comes with us upstairs, he reads a book in Spanish  with voices and everything... we say family prayer, sometimes holding hand if Annabelle allows, though she usually prefers to jump around and be a total spazz... papa gives a hug and kiss... then leaves... momma reads a book with her... we turn on her baby lullabies... we check to see if Little Butt, our cat got in her closet (she usually isn't... even if i know she isn't, Annabelle still likes to look these days)... we turn off the light... i rock her in the chair.. then put her in the crib, pile on the stuffed animals in their correct spots, say our prayers together... tell her i love her, she asks for another prayer without fail as i'm leaving, she says "more 'di' ("say" in spanish) prayer"... momma says a little prayer... then i say "i love you, close your eyes and go to sleep" blow two kisses, and then say "adios, bye bye." and she sometimes does two... it is always the same, what can i say the girl loves consistency...

Isaiah's home birth story

sorry ladies, this is one of the birth stories that makes you dislike the mom because it was a smooth one... but in my defense, my daughter Annabelle's birth story was the exact opposite in every way, so there is balance in the universe after all...

so at 38 weeks i went to my prenatal appointment and all seemed normal and on track, i had had no contractions, no braxton hicks, nothing at that point... At that point, i felt i could still stay pregnant awhile, but i was at peace with whatever was to happen.. i wasn't anxious like i was with Annabelle's birth, probably because i was more comfortable than with Annabelle and had done "this" before and had a busy toddler to keep me distracted...

i also was trying to stay really positive, and just not think or try to analyse the unknowns...

anytime someone would ask me how i felt with pregnancy, instead of indulging in the sympathy attention like i did with Annabelle's pregnancy, i just tried to be positive and would always say i felt great or really good... in doing this i found myself actually feeling really good, which made me happy and surprised...

from there realizing the  positivity had had such a wonderful effect, made me transfer this approach toward birth... anytime someone would ask me if i was nervous, I'd just tell them that i was really excited and couldn't wait to meet my little baby soon... and i would always add a "whenever it (we didn't know gender) was ready"... that way i wasn't sending a subconscious, "get here soon before you are done developing" message...  call me crazy, but i think the power of thought is huge... seriously, i can think myself sick in 5 minutes, ask my husband... it's a gift... or  maybe not...

but i wasn't taking any chances with this pregnancy/ birth with negative thoughts... so much so, that i didn't tell many people we were having a home birth unless it came up... not even many of our family members knew because i didn't want to take chances on how they would respond/ withdraw support... i didn't want others negative energy weighing us down and influencing my feelings and thought process during this special time..

what brought me to the point of home birth was my first borns birth experience...

my daughters birth was in the Timpanogos hospital, and without getting into her whole birth story here, the whole situation was a disappointment and a nightmare for myself, Annabelle and even my poor husband that was trying to be there for us but the hospital staff clearly had zero respect for new dads, at least most the ones we worked with..

the day i walked out of the hospital a little over two years ago with our newly born Annabelle, i literally then and there vowed to never enter a hospital again, unless absolutely necessary...

because of that, from pretty much the day Annabelle was born, okay a little after recovery, i had spent and Angel as well, time researching natural and home birth... learning all we could, becoming comfortable and familiar with the concept and breaking down my mental and cultural barriers and preconceived ideas i had been taught throughout my life...

for the record, i don't have anything against how other people chose to go about birth, it is every parents decision... but this is our story, so please keep that in mind before anyone takes things personally while reading this... our culture has a tendency to have the idea that if someone does something different than how you choose to do "it" than they are against you... for the record i am not, i am just being the mom of my children and following my heart in how to go about that...

okay, just had to throw out that disclaimer...

so Isaiah's pregnancy had been good, as far as pregnancy goes, i still obviously had signs of pregnancy that are always "fun" reminders, but nothing like Annabelle's...

so as i said, the week Isaiah was born, 38 weeks, on a Wednesday i had my midwife appointment... from the looks of things, it looked as though I'd stay pregnant until the due date... there was no signs of the baby being born soon...

on Thursday night, about midnight, i started feeling period like cramps, nothing alarming, just a, "hey, this is interesting, wonder what that means" kind of experience.. i went to bed with the cramps and just assumed it was one of those silly pregnancy symptoms no one tells you about...

as always with pregnancy i had to get up a lot in the night to pee, and by the time i got up to go to the bathroom at 6 a.m. my "cramps" had started to have a rhythm... they weren't too bad, so much so that i thought, "are these contractions? i can't remember??".. they weren't painful enough, but the cramps were coming in waves...

by 9 a.m. i was sure they were contractions, but they still weren't too painful, so much so that i casually told angel "hey, I'm having contractions..." and he looked at me confused and said, "you don't look like you are having contractions, you don't look like you are in pain."...

even though the contractions weren't too painful, Angel was getting nervous because they were about 30-60 seconds long and two minutes apart...

at breakfast he kept bugging me to call my midwife and so i finally did for peace of mind...

i called her and said i was having contractions and she asked if i could talk through them, which i could...

she told me, that you actually want the contractions about 5 minutes apart because that will mean they are usually more intense... she said she would come over though and check me...

at 11 a.m. she came over and checked me... i was only dilated to a 1.5... she said the .5 was her being generous... 

she told me to rest and said the baby would likely come that night, which shocked me... that it would likely be in the middle of the night, judging by Annabelle's birth experience...

i had no plans of having a baby that day or anytime soon (meaning within a week period or so)...

our family hadn't even arrived in town and wouldn't for at least four more days... it was a little nerve racking because we hadn't finished organizing, hadn't blown up the pool for the water birth, had no one to watch Annabelle, etc... 

and also the unknown was hard, from the looks of things, it seemed he would be born in the night, so i didn't know if i should have anyone watch Annabelle if she would be sleeping though it anyways...

being a 1.5 made me not too concerned though, because Annabelle's active labor lasted 21 hours, with two days of sporadic contractions before that...

from there i gave Angel the task of blowing up the pool... with the help of a friend, he figured out the electric air pump we bought and blew it up... we didn't add the water yet because we assumed the birth would be way later and didn't want the water to get cold...

we were just taking our causal time through the day because we thought we had time...

i just assumed he would be born in the middle of the night while Annabelle was sound asleep and that we could do little tasks through out the day...

after the midwife left, i remembered how exhausting my labor with Annabelle was, so i just wanted to rest to give myself peace of mind that i would have energy when needed..

Angel and i went to the basement with Annabelle and we put on a monkey documentary... i told Angel half way through i was going to go upstairs and rest, since i couldn't relax with the distraction and i was hoping for real sleep...

after the documentary was over i was still having contractions, they were more painful but still manageable... they were getting more spread out in time but still not 5 minutes apart, but they were lasting less time, about 30-40 seconds long...

so i told Angel to take Annabelle on a lunch date, to get them out of the house and so i could still rest... they left about 3:30 pm and came back around 5 maybe...

during this time they were gone, with the contractions getting stronger in intensity, i decided to go down stairs and figure out the hose to fill up the pool... i had bought a new hose to hook up to the water from the laundry room.. we had never tried it before, but the guy assured me at the store it would work... once i hooked it on, it didn't fit... it was too big and water splashed out through the end that was suppose to be screwed on... so i gave up and called angel...

at this point i was having clear, intense contractions, but they were irregular still in length and time apart.. each time i would have a contraction i would try to think about how i was grateful for the contractions because it meant my baby was coming to me soon and that my body was doing what it should.. i tried to relax through them and feel positivity toward them, since they were a blessing, semi in disguise... at the times they seemed too much i would say a prayer of gratitude for the contractions, instead of just trying to feel grateful... then I'd pray for help and strength... and i would thank for the atonement of the savior, since there is much symbolism in the atonement and childbirth and to me, they have a strong connection...

once home, Angel tried to figure out the hose... it didn't work for him either, it wasn't just me... and so i told him to go buy a new hose, since our only other hose, outside was filthy...

he left and i stayed with Annabelle watching beauty and the beast...

i assumed it was no big deal since though my contractions were increasing in intensity, they were still irregular... i think i was somewhat in disbelief that it was happening then, i kept expecting the contractions to stop and for me to stay pregnant until my due date or longer...

so, Angel left... at this point it is about 5:20... and Annabelle is on the couch and i am trying to not freak her out by the intensity of my contractions and my reaction to them... i was trying to relax and i was kneeled next to the couch kneeling down with my head down and arms extended, trying to pray for help and strength and relief... i tried to envision the savior in the garden suffering for my sins and making that sacrifice for me... and while doing so tried to be in a stance similar to how i imagine he would have been... i found strength in this because i found symbolism in the sacrifice of giving birth to new life, a fresh new start for a sweet spirit... kneeling down with arms outstretched, head bowed... another mother had told me about it, and it clicked with me, so i did that for a time....

Annabelle seemed fine, a little bored but she didn't seem worried or surprised as i thought she might...

at about 5:50 my contractions were really intense, but they had gone back down to 3 to 4 min. apart and lasting about30-40 seconds.. i didn't know what to do because they were getting really intense but were still irregular...i decided to call the midwife...

i said something like "my contractions are still irregular, but I'm in a lot of pain and i don't want to wait too long to call you, i don't want it to be too late"...she said she would come over but it was a half hour drive from Payson so it took sometime..

i called her at 5:50, she arrived at 6:20... at this point, i couldn't talk through the contractions and could hardly stand... she asked me where Angel was, i struggled to tell her he was buying a hose because the other one didn't fit... she checked me and then said to my surprise "you are at a nine, as soon as your water breaks the baby is coming out.. call your husband and tell him to hurry back."

so i called angel and told him the news, we were both surprised that that moment was it, so soon... luckily he was just down the street, almost home...

despite Angel buying the hose, it was very clear that there was no time to fill up a pool to birth in...

we had planned to birth in the pool in the basement, but then out of an only options, decided on the tub in our bedroom (and it ended up being perfect), which left us scrambling to the basement for all the supplies we had "ready" for me and baby down there...

i then filled up the tub and got in... the contractions were intense and i was struggling through them...

Annabelle was mad she couldn't get in the tub with me, she thinks our big bath tub is awesome... that was the only thing Annabelle got upset about  with the whole experience... we had no babysitter for her because it all happened so fast from then on, too fast to even think of who to call... 

Angel arrived at 6:40... he ran upstairs and grabbed our supply of towels we had ready for the birth and came back to say words of encouragement...

as much as i wanted him right there, i wanted him more with Annabelle, so i told him to be with her... they were right there but not right in the action, just standing back from our bedroom and sometimes wandering into the living room depending on Annabelle...

at this point Angel called our good friend from down the street to be with Annabelle so she got enough attention during it all...

a few minutes after getting in the tub, i felt my water break...

on impulse, i started pushing...

it was just what my body wanted to do... 

i found myself surprised with how physical it all felt... it was just so involved, i could hardly think, just do... i had always heard woman say in relation to natural birth, that just when you think you can't go any longer, that means it is then about to be over and to take comfort in that moment...

i for sure found myself thinking, i can't do this, but at that point Isiah was almost out and there was no turning back... all i could do in that moment, and all i found myself doing was literally saying "God, please help me." a phrase i don't usually utter with such intensity, but you will be surprised what surfaces in those moments of desperation...

through this whole thing because of intensity, it felt so long, but it actually was only 8 minutes  of pushing turns out, and then Isaiah was born...

in case you didn't catch that...

called the midwife at 5:50

she arrived at 6:20

angel arrived at 6:40

and Isaiah was born at 7 p.m.

close call...

at that point Isiah was placed on my chest and Angel and Annabelle had entered the bathroom to see... Annabelle then exclaimed "a baby!" all excited, once he was pulled out of the water... i think she was surprised and impressed to see a baby just emerge from the water... probably seemed random to her...

Angel cried in that moment and i did too.. the midwife placed him on my chest with towels keeping him warm... he was so calm and looked so healthy...

the midwife moved him a little to get some noise out of him...

he cried for a "short" second and the midwife told me i should talk to him... i told him that it was okay and that i was so happy to have him here, i remember saying "mommies here, it's okay, hold mommas hand..." and then he grabbed my finger with his little hand as i placed it near him...

 and i just held him close as his little hand held onto my finger as long as we sat there.. it was all so peaceful, he didn't even let out the blood curdling scream Annabelle did when she was born (poor thing had a traumatic birth)...

 once on my chest i checked to see the gender since the midwife doesn't tell but wants the parents to look for themselves... after the whole experience of feeling it was a boy and getting his name, i knew that my spirit knew him and was connected to him all along, it was really special... we had a bond all along and maintained that with birth i realized then...

at this point, our friend showed up and asked if we were about to have the baby... the house was so mellow and peaceful, she didn't even realize the baby was on my chest...

it was really helpful to have her over at that moment, so we could all get settled and Annabelle could get some undivided attention from our good friend (who is basically family to us)... Annabelle was pretty captivated because she brought a bag of toys for her to play with, her grandma bag as she calls it...

after the umbilical cord stopped pulsing they clamped it, and once i birthed the placenta on my own, they cut the cord (Angel didn't want to, the father cutting the cord is an American tradition that he's not too into)...

from there i got up and rinsed off in the shower real quick...

i felt amazing and so strong.. after Annabelle's birth i could hardly keep my eyes open, but with this one i had so much energy and not an ache in my body (in that moment ;)...

 i sat on the bed after and nursed Isaiah....

 about an hour or so after giving birth, it was Annabelle bedtime... so i passed Isaiah over to Angel and i went up stairs with Annabelle to read her a book, feed her and rock her in the chair for a bit before bed... our normal nightly routine...

once getting her to sleep and down stairs, the midwife checked me over and i held and fed Isaiah some more and then we all just talked and marveled at the situation... it was so clear in hindsight and i could see the special moments and see past the moments of pain... 

not that I'm eager to get pregnant right away but i was traumatized by Annabelle's birth for over a year after she was born... this time around i had peace toward the experience right away and a feeling that i could do it again, especially in the comfort and peace of our own home...

the name

 

 a lot has happened and with pregnancy i haven't updated much besides the one post in the summer... i tried instead, to devote more time to my family during this time before our new little one came... as well as to rest and focus on the things i needed to learn and study in this time pre baby... i found very little time for blogging... the times i did find i didn't feel like it, my energy was low with pregnancy and a toddler... i will try to update a little about pregnancy later but for now i will discus my sweet new little boys name, since we have had a few people ask about where it came from for us...

it is one of those stories that if you don't share the whole thing, it does it zero justice so you either should tell it completely or not at all...

i will start with this... while i was pregnant, maybe a few months back, we had had a guest over for dinner... we were discussing inspiration and motherhood and feeling a connection to the baby while in the womb, spiritually...

the woman that was over for dinner mentioned that she had prayed about what to name her child years back and that she had gotten an answer that her son wanted to be named a specific name, one of which i can't remember...

i thought that was interesting, i had always just thought of names in terms of what Angel and i liked or what sounded cute with our last name..

so i decided to pray and see what i got as an answer... why not, right?

that night i decided to pray for inspiration on what to name our baby, if there was to be a name preference for him or "it " at the time, as we didn't know if it was a boy or a girl... the hard part was though, that we didn't know what we were having, so either by inspiration the sex of the baby would be given away or i would have to be given two names, one for a boy and one for a girl...

i found myself receiving two names, a boy and a girl name all within 24 hours... both names of which were not high on my list, but once i got them, could think of no other names desired..

that night after praying before bed to know if there was a specific name that we should name our unborn child, whether it was because the little baby inside of me wanted it, or God willed it, i asked to get an answer...

not long after falling asleep i found myself dreaming and saw myself in the dream giving birth to a baby in our bath tub...
the interesting thing about this, is that i had no plans what so ever on giving birth in our bath tub (which is what ended up happening)... we had planned on a water birth, in one of those larger blow up pools, in our basement...
 the dream ended up being identical to what actually took place at Isaiah's birth, with the exception of one thing, the gender in the dream... but there is a reason for that...
so that dream, birth in the bath tub;  as soon as the baby came out, it was immediately put on my chest and i exclaimed "Eleanor!"... there was my girl name...

the next day, aside from getting the girl name in the dream, i continued to pray about the name because i felt it was a boy to a large degree...
that night,

i felt i should organize my journal... something i hadn't done for awhile...
i have a journal on my computer since i type faster and better than i write.. i write like a 12 year old boy and half the time i can hardly read my hand writing, so i made it a goal awhile back to  combine the computer and written journal, just into typed form for the sake of it actually being able to be read by someone else other than me, and even that is questionable... the journal is a spiritual one, with experiences that are very special to me, and so i felt a spiritual obligation to have these entries all preserved and readable...

as i got back to this task that night, since i had already started the process but was slacking, i came across the entry i was  to record next in this process, it was the most recent in the series i was typing out...

to my surprise, the entry i came across was from December,  from the previous winter...
it was the month i got pregnant but did not know at all i was pregnant yet, so i didn't put a ton of thought into this experience... which is likely why i didn't remember it much until racking my mind...

so, it was an entry i had NO recollection of writing or even experiencing at the time i came across it that day, until i spent much time thinking about it, and some familiarity started coming back to me until i remembered...

here is the part of the experience that is related to the name, recorded from my journal... most the journal entry has been removed, as it is private, and not as relevant...

it said this:

"12/13/11

on Sunday in the early morning i felt to pray... i had been bad about this and wanted to improve... 

during the prayer i felt i was pregnant... i felt impressed that it was a boy, that i needed to take better care of my body and that his name should be Isaiah... "

looking back on this entry there were two reason why i didn't put much thought into it, though i recorded it anyways (i have a rule that i record all things spiritual even if i don't totally understand the experience in the moment, even if it seems confusing, unlikely or even some what insignificant)... 
so first reason, was i didn't know and think i was pregnant... 
second reason, was because i heard it was a boy AND to name it something other than the name i had agreed to name our first son with Angel since being together... 
Angel's family has a tradition of passing down the name Angel, and so it was pretty much agreed on for good that that would be the name of our first born son... 
Angel... 
Angel has always been pretty persistent on the idea and so at the time of the experience i thought it really unlikely that he would agree on the name Isaiah...
but that night,
when i read the journal entry something resonated and i felt that it was correct... 
Isaiah... 
it just felt right...
i went into Angels office and read him the entry i had just come across... he was surprised and said that the journal entry resonated with him, without me telling him how i felt about it... 

this was surprising to me, since we had always assumed that we would name our first son after him.. that was what Angel had wanted originally all the time previously, even before we were married... 

from there we both felt the baby was a boy... 
anytime someone would ask from then on what we thought we were having, I'd tell them Angel and i both thought it was a boy and we would be surprised otherwise...

the interesting thing about the name Eleanor that i also got, for the girl, is that i feel i have my little Eleanor up in heaven... that she will be with us one day... 

i am overjoyed at being a mother, i was never a "baby person" growing up, and i didn't even like kids until i got my first nephew... but being a mother has come so surprisingly natural and there is nothing else in the world i would prefer to be doing with my time... 

it has been awhile...

i gave up on the blog for awhile... i can't even begin to list the changes that have happened since... in our lives, in ourselves, in Annabelle and the little things... the previous posts don't reflect much of our currently life, and priorities and i could say the lack of depth to many of the previous post are, dare i say, a little embarrassing... but our past is what it is, no point in running away, so i guess I'll leave the past where it is and move forward from here...

with it being impossible to list all that has gone on since my last post, I'll just share a few things and update from here on out, i hope...

i feel guilty for not recording Annabelle's progress from the last post until now... she has grown and changed so much, and seems more little kidish each day and less "baby" like...
she will be two in just a few days...
she is such a joy in our family, Angel and i both miss her when she is sleeping... she makes us laugh and gives us a lot to smile about... aside from her first year of bad sleep habits (that i now take full responsibility for and blame on motherly ignorance and ignoring my intuition) she has been such a good girl these two years... with some sprinkles of sass here and there, but she is her mothers daughter, so who can blame her... it's in the genes...

she is such a smart little girl and is so beautiful inside and out... she is such a sweetheart... she loves people, and is very social and friendly...  despite the momma she has ;) truly she has beat the odds... i think it's those Spanish genes kicking in...

she is also getting really good at both Spanish and English... 

i had heard so much negativity about raising bilingual children and how it influences (slows down) the first few years of learning, that i braced myself for the worst... only to be beyond pleased with how she is progressing, she never ceases to amaze me with her new words, tricks and cute personality traits that are surfacing...

 nothing pleases me more than to see her own little personality showing through each day... it makes me so happy  to see her growing, progressing and thriving... i hope to always be a support to her, and to let her spirit thrive as is, without mine and those around her influencing her personality and spirit by our traditions, habit's, issues,  and jaded years of "experience"...

another "new" development in our lives is that I'm pregnant... I'm in the third trimester officially today, at 28 weeks... this pregnancy has flown by, the second time around has been better, with knowing what to expect, as well as having Annabelle keeping me busy...

this pregnancy has been very similar to Annabelle's, with the exception of me eating healthier which has made me feel better and less heavy, as i did with Annabelle's pregnancy...

other than that, same symptoms, etc...

really nauseous the first trimester, but that was probably my worst symptom, at least that my pregnant brain can remember looking back...
we don't know what we are having yet, it will be a surprise...

in other news, that is apparently a big deal to everyone else we come across and is a hot topic of conversation i guess, is that Angel has a beard... i know, gasp!!
sorry, i should have told you to sit down before writing that last sentence, my apologies..
he gets lots of "fun" looks and reactions from family, friends and strangers these days... it really is quite entertaining... apparently no one can handle his hot model-y face with hair on it...
 for the record, i like it...



in less silly news, Angel is still studying and helping people in nutrition and really loving that, as well as translating a book from English to Spanish...
we have also been in Spain for two months, but more on that to come...
our home is for sale, and we have no clue where we are gonna end up but more on that later as well... we are nomads deep down...
i guess this is good for starters and reintroduction, i plan to get back to posting regularly, as time allows... it just seems important  to keep a record of our lives and updates, especially with my spacey brain... i imagine with the new baby and lack of sleep, keeping a record will be that much more important since I'm sure I'll be forgetting things right and left...

until then...

park

sunday sunday

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